Strange and Funny Dream

Posted on 30 July 2009

I have a reoccurring dream.  Well more like dream mini series.  The gist of it is this, I’m apparently a writer who has to gets throw into challenges.  A new challenge every week.  One was a writing contest with no other then Pauly Shore to write a script for a “How it’s made” type show.  Another one I had to write an episode of “Cops” (and you thought that was all real).  The most recent however was the most bizarre and completely worth sharing.

It’s fairly odd to wake up in “a dream”.  But the dreams always start just like that, me waking up in bed, fully dressed and wearing glasses. Its not my bed nor my glasses, but dreams don’t really care about those kinda details.  From there I always do the same thing, get out of bed and head to the closet.  There I find a red note with the instructions for today’s challenge.   Now ever sense I was young and saw a particularly educational episode of “Batman: the Animated series”, I’ve know someone can’t actually read in a dream.  Luckily, this note is automatically read aloud by a woman with an English accent.

“Dear Mr. Laube,

So far you have done well in my challenges and today as a reward I relieve my true identity and present you with biggest challenge yet.  Meet me in the next room.

Yours truly,

The Puzzler.”

At last to meet the mysterious Puzzler , who has been throwing all this bizarre challenges at me for these past few weeks.  It was like the big season finale reveal.

The next room was a dining room with 3 chairs, a table, and a large plate a bacon.  I took my place at the head of the table.  The moment I sat down, 2 people entered the room from opposite sides and sat down at the exact same instant.  It was Marcia and Jay doing their best synchronized sitting act.  Jay raised his fist, which I politely bumped.

“Umm, Hi guys.”

“Hello,  Mr. Laube” Marcia in a perfect English accent.  My jaw dropped.

“You?  You are the Puzzler! “

Marcia laughed.

“I am!”

“Wow, I have to say, your English accent rocks, very James Bond.  Well Money penny, but still good show!”

“I know, right?”  Marcia was obviously proud.   Of course that still left the real question.

“But why ?”  I stammered.

“Well I read your book.”

“Really?  Did you like it?” I asked.

“Horrid, complete waste of time.”  For a moment there was silence, while  Jay sat eating the plate of bacon.

“Oh” was my only response, I actually felt myself deflate a bit.

“So I decided you needed practice.  Thus this.” Marcia waved her arms to note the room. “And today, I have you biggest challenge yet.”

“Oh, whattcha got this time?”  I asked.

“A cooking show.  Well its about tea really.”

“A cooking show?  I really don’t much about cooking short of mac and cheese unless I can use my grill“

“Nonsense you’ll do fine, after its all about Tea and we all know tea is…”

And with that Marcia , Jay, and the plate of bacon vanished.  In the center of the table appeared one blue and white sign.  The only thing it said was “Good Eats”.

“OOOh I get it.  Well done well done.  That was just  like the show ‘Good Eats’”  I said to the empty room.  Marcia really was quite good at this.

A moment later, none other than Alton Brown entered the room.

“Matthew Laube, I have to say it’s an honor sir, an Honor!” he said to me.  He quickly fixed his glasses and gave my hand a shake.

“It is?”  I asked.

“Of course, I read your book.”

“You did?  Did you like it?”

“No, Horrid stuff. “

“Ah, I hear that a lot.” I noted. Mr Brown continued.

“But no bother, I think you are perfect to help out with todays show”

“It’s about tea right?  I thought you did an episode about tea already?”  I asked.

“Sure, but everyone loves a sequel and we are going all out here.  I mean it’s a huge budget, massive special effects.  “

“Really?”

“Well no not really, but we do have the entire cast of the muppets”

At the moment Kermit the frog popped up to my left.

“Hi Ho, Kermit the Frog here.”

Then he vanished.

“Oh,” I said.  “Well that’s something, to say the least.  Well what can I do for you?  I mean its not like I can tell you how to cook.”

“Of course not, that would be like me telling how to write lousy novels.”  This was getting rather hurtful, but Mr. Brown continued. “No what I need you is the big finish.  The grand finale!”

I thought about it for a moment, fiddling with the glasses that were not mine.  Beeker ran past, his hair on fire.

“Meeeeep!!!”

“Well Jim Henson once said, when he was stuck when coming up with an ending for a skit, he just blew something up.”

“Blow something up, blow something up, blow something up.” Animal chanted as he entered the room.

“Well,” Mr Brown began “I was never one to argue with Animal.”

“Me either.”  I agreed, stepping out of Animal’s way.

“Well then lets see what happens.”  Alton Brown whipped out a old fashion plunger like they used in the old tom and jerry cartoons to set off explosions.  With a wink, he slammed the plunger down and the world exploded into white.

Then I woke up.