2009 Game of Year Email
Posted on 4 January 2010 | 4 responses
Every year I send out an email like the one below. Figured this year I would share with the whole world. Feel free to respond in the comment section or email.
Yeah, I know I do this every year. I pick my favorite games for the past year and then make every else do the same. Well we’re doing it again. Why? Cause its awesome. Deal with it. The rules are, as always, pick 5 games released this year that you liked. Can’t find 5? Just list what you can. I won’t think less of you. Ok I will, but you can pretend I don’t.
Top 5 Games of the Year:
5. Red Faction: Guerrilla – Any game where the default weapon is a sledge hammer is good in my book. The single player game is fun although flawed (unlimited spawning of bad guys = boo), but the online mode is a great update to the old stand bys. The first time I stopped someone from c capturing a flag by dropping a building on them, I knew this game was for me.
4. Street Fighter 4 – I just wanted to hug this game. The one game I wanted most this year and it certainly lived up to the hype. The only draw back? A really cheap end boss. Otherwise lovely.
3. Plants vs Zombies – The guys at pop cap know how addict people. This is a really a great tower defense game. It does start slow, but a few levels in and you start seeing how deep things can get. I think new it goes for 10 bucks. Everyone should have it.
2. Super Mario Brothers Wii – Half classic Mario game, half super smash brothers, all ultimate party game. Somehow this game manages to improve on the 8 and 16 bit greats. The level design is just amazing. Plus it’s the ultimate game to screw with people. I’m hoping some day to find some folks to be play the competitive modes with.
1. Batman Arkham Asylum – Pretty easily the best game of the year for me. A great story with great controls, I could sneak up on thugs all day. Loved it. The best license game in history.
Runners up:
splosion Man
Little Kings Story
Wii sports resort
Torch Light
Best games of the Year that should probably be on that list I just haven’t played enough of yet
I’m old and missed a lot of great games this year. Here are the ones I played for an hour or two, just not longer to give a final review for.
5. Shadow Complex
4. Infamous
3. Halo ODST
2. Left of Dead 2
1. Uncharted 2 – I’m a few hours in and can easily say it’s a great game. If it keeps up this pace it may give batman a run for its money.
Games that should have sucked but just didn’t
1. 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand – No idea why this game rocked as much as it did, but wow did it ever rock. I would add it to my best of the year list, but I think I would just feel too dirty. Still if you love a good action game , you have to play it. Just turn the music down.
2. EA Sports Active – This game really isn’t that fun, but its actually a decent workout. The punching mini games alone make me happy. All the motion stuff seems to work as well. Odd. Did EA just out Nintendo Nintendo? Someone check Hell.
5 Biggest disappointments
1. Bionic Commando – A classic remake gone bad. With ReArmed being so good, I had hope. But nope, this game bites. At least the company that made it went out of business. That what you get for ruining my childhood dreams ya punks!
2. Wolverine – This actually isn’t a bad game, it just has some major annoying aspects that keep it down. Talk about painfully repetitive bad guys. If I have to jump on the back on one more bad guy… ugh. Still rent it, play it for 4 hours, and just don’t bother finishing it.
3. Fat Princess – I wanted to like this game. It had some cool ideas. Sorta like Team fortress with fat people and cake. Turns out though kinda dull and flat. Even sweet sweet cake could not save it.
4. Marvel vs Capcom 2 – A classic game, I mean classic. But no update to the graphics at all? No unlocking new characters? Talk about lazy releases. Booo.
5. Punch Out – I dream of the day of getting a good boxing game for the Wii. Instead I get this 8 bit game with better graphics. Some old school games are better left off in the past.
Honorable Mention: Mad World – I really wanted to like this ultra violent Wii game. Truth is, it gets boring … quick. Fun in short bursts, but certainly not worth the hype.
5 more reasons why the Wii doesn’t suck.
So the wii is always taking crap for having no good games and every year I try and defend it. Last year was pretty tough, but this year was ,in fact, a really good year for Wii software. As usual, I try and avoid the Nintendo made ones, since everyone knows they rock. There are actually quite a few more than 5 games, but we’ll keep it simple.
5. Little Kings Story – A really nice twist on the city building genre. It seems all cute and cuddly until you realize this little boy in bent on world domination. He also gets people to do his bidding by throwing them around.
4. Excite Bike World Rally – This is a minimal update to the classic 8 bit excite bike game but somehow they made it as addicting as crack. It can’t be explained only experienced.
3. House of the Dead: Over Kill – The winner of the most swear words in a video game ever. You shoot zombies with a friend. Do I need to say more?
2. Swords and Soldiers – A group of Vikings on a search for great BBQ. A 2d RTS that works like a charm Awesome.
1. Contra: Rebirth – New contra! You jump, you shoot, its wacky. You’ll love it.
So that’s it in my opinion. What are your picks?
Strange and Funny Dream
Posted on 30 July 2009 | 1 response
I have a reoccurring dream. Well more like dream mini series. The gist of it is this, I’m apparently a writer who has to gets throw into challenges. A new challenge every week. One was a writing contest with no other then Pauly Shore to write a script for a “How it’s made” type show. Another one I had to write an episode of “Cops” (and you thought that was all real). The most recent however was the most bizarre and completely worth sharing.
It’s fairly odd to wake up in “a dream”. But the dreams always start just like that, me waking up in bed, fully dressed and wearing glasses. Its not my bed nor my glasses, but dreams don’t really care about those kinda details. From there I always do the same thing, get out of bed and head to the closet. There I find a red note with the instructions for today’s challenge. Now ever sense I was young and saw a particularly educational episode of “Batman: the Animated series”, I’ve know someone can’t actually read in a dream. Luckily, this note is automatically read aloud by a woman with an English accent.
“Dear Mr. Laube,
So far you have done well in my challenges and today as a reward I relieve my true identity and present you with biggest challenge yet. Meet me in the next room.
Yours truly,
The Puzzler.”
At last to meet the mysterious Puzzler , who has been throwing all this bizarre challenges at me for these past few weeks. It was like the big season finale reveal.
The next room was a dining room with 3 chairs, a table, and a large plate a bacon. I took my place at the head of the table. The moment I sat down, 2 people entered the room from opposite sides and sat down at the exact same instant. It was Marcia and Jay doing their best synchronized sitting act. Jay raised his fist, which I politely bumped.
“Umm, Hi guys.”
“Hello, Mr. Laube” Marcia in a perfect English accent. My jaw dropped.
“You? You are the Puzzler! “
Marcia laughed.
“I am!”
“Wow, I have to say, your English accent rocks, very James Bond. Well Money penny, but still good show!”
“I know, right?” Marcia was obviously proud. Of course that still left the real question.
“But why ?” I stammered.
“Well I read your book.”
“Really? Did you like it?” I asked.
“Horrid, complete waste of time.” For a moment there was silence, while Jay sat eating the plate of bacon.
“Oh” was my only response, I actually felt myself deflate a bit.
“So I decided you needed practice. Thus this.” Marcia waved her arms to note the room. “And today, I have you biggest challenge yet.”
“Oh, whattcha got this time?” I asked.
“A cooking show. Well its about tea really.”
“A cooking show? I really don’t much about cooking short of mac and cheese unless I can use my grill“
“Nonsense you’ll do fine, after its all about Tea and we all know tea is…”
And with that Marcia , Jay, and the plate of bacon vanished. In the center of the table appeared one blue and white sign. The only thing it said was “Good Eats”.
“OOOh I get it. Well done well done. That was just like the show ‘Good Eats’” I said to the empty room. Marcia really was quite good at this.
A moment later, none other than Alton Brown entered the room.
“Matthew Laube, I have to say it’s an honor sir, an Honor!” he said to me. He quickly fixed his glasses and gave my hand a shake.
“It is?” I asked.
“Of course, I read your book.”
“You did? Did you like it?”
“No, Horrid stuff. “
“Ah, I hear that a lot.” I noted. Mr Brown continued.
“But no bother, I think you are perfect to help out with todays show”
“It’s about tea right? I thought you did an episode about tea already?” I asked.
“Sure, but everyone loves a sequel and we are going all out here. I mean it’s a huge budget, massive special effects. “
“Really?”
“Well no not really, but we do have the entire cast of the muppets”
At the moment Kermit the frog popped up to my left.
“Hi Ho, Kermit the Frog here.”
Then he vanished.
“Oh,” I said. “Well that’s something, to say the least. Well what can I do for you? I mean its not like I can tell you how to cook.”
“Of course not, that would be like me telling how to write lousy novels.” This was getting rather hurtful, but Mr. Brown continued. “No what I need you is the big finish. The grand finale!”
I thought about it for a moment, fiddling with the glasses that were not mine. Beeker ran past, his hair on fire.
“Meeeeep!!!”
“Well Jim Henson once said, when he was stuck when coming up with an ending for a skit, he just blew something up.”
“Blow something up, blow something up, blow something up.” Animal chanted as he entered the room.
“Well,” Mr Brown began “I was never one to argue with Animal.”
“Me either.” I agreed, stepping out of Animal’s way.
“Well then lets see what happens.” Alton Brown whipped out a old fashion plunger like they used in the old tom and jerry cartoons to set off explosions. With a wink, he slammed the plunger down and the world exploded into white.
Then I woke up.
The Costco Incident.
Posted on 6 July 2009 | 5 responses
The mission was simple. Get into Costco, acquire bratwurst, and get out. It was the date that made it interesting. After noon, the day before a major holiday (in this case 4th of July), is not a time any sane person wants to be near Costco’s or any food store really. Holidays have the same effect on shoppers as major snow storms. Everyone has to rush in as if the world was going to end tomorrow and fight over the last gallon of milk or package of hot dog rolls. I’ve known this for many many years. However I was not about to let good sense get the way of have the perfect brats to grill at my BBQ. It was a matter of pride.
So we knew we were in trouble when me and my side kick, Josh “da player” Laube rolled into the parking lot. It was, as expected, a mad house. Issue one was finding a parking space. There wasn’t one to be seen and I’m not one to stalk exiting shoppers for a space. You know the folks I mean, the ones that find a victim and slowly follow them around the lot. It’s one of those slow mo police chases. Really really sad. The first spot I found was nearing Planet Honda (and for those not local, that’s pretty damn far). No worries though, walking is good for you, and I only needed one item. Easy.
Josh is old enough he likes to walk, which is good, but then we are locked into the 3 year old speed. Which , for those without access to a 3 year old, is just a bit faster than old person with a cane speed and just a bit slower then molasses going uphill in the winter. It short it takes awhile. In the parking lot we narrowly avoided being run down by two civics and something that looked a bit like big foot (the truck, not the Yeti).
Once inside, I passed on a cart, again only needing the one item. We cut through the electronics, doing our manly duty of “ooh”ing and “aah”ing at the 60 inch TVs. It was quickly clear as we approached the food area, Josh was still small to be seen by those people with carts. A keen eye was needed to shepherd the boy through the crowd.
Bratwursts were acquired in one particularly busy row, in which Josh was nearly crushed by a cranky older woman who decided 3 year old speed was just too slow, and it was best to go through the child. Collision was averted and we made our way towards the front of the store. On the way, I spotted Charcoal. I had forgotten I had needed that, and this being Costco, you can’t buy just one bag. So I grabbed 32 pounds of charcoal, balanced my bratwurst on top, had my son hold on to my belt and we were off again.
The checkout lines were a site to behold. People were everywhere in lines that went nowhere. Of course Josh and I got on the slowest line possible as apparently the folks a few people in front of us had decided to buy out the entire store. The charcoal, a meager 32 pounds a few minutes ago was slowly gaining mass. Gravity is a cruel mistress.
In front of us was a woman with a cart (smart) and a four year old girl in front. I know she was four because when we first got in line she said “Hi, I am four years old. Not four and a half”. She repeated this greeting another 4 times and then followed up with “Hi, I am four and a half years old, not four.” And then corrected herself again. She was obviously trying to get a response from Josh (already a lady killer at three and a half). He didn’t know what to make of this strange parrot girl.
At last the girl switched tactics and said “My Daddy is better than your Daddy.” This was not insulting to me, as I often had to prove my supreme Daddy-ness in Mortal Combat (and sometimes Street Fighter). Josh still didn’t bite though. Ever being to shy, or simply to smart to reply. The mother, though, stepped in at this point and explained that this was not nice. The little girl did not stop. Instead to her mother she said “I will tell you why.” And then in the way little kids tell secrets by “whispering” (aka shouting with their hands over their mouths) she explained to her mother why her daddy was better.
“My Daddy is better because he is fat!”
The mother slapped her own palm against her head, turning pink from embarrassment.
Mercifully we had made it to end of the line, the woman and parrot girl were distracted by the ceremonial placing of items on the belt. It was about then I noticed Josh was doing a little dance. Perhaps a little “Thank god that girl shut up and went away” dance? No of course not, that was the “I gotto go, I gotto go right now dance”.
“Josh… is there something you would like to ask?”
“No” Josh’s standard response fired back.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?”
“Yes Dadda” Of course.
This would be Josh and I’s first trip to the men’s room there as he was only potty trained a few days. And honestly we rarely went shopping together. Instead focusing on fun things. Aka anything but shopping. Well ok how bad could it be? It was our turn then and I was at last free of my charcoal which has somehow increased its weight to at least a hundred pounds. After paying, I left my items with the cashier and headed off to the bathroom. We just barely missed being crushed by an Asian family and an overweight woman intend on buying out the worlds dog food supply.
The instant inside the men’s room Josh started to strip. Somehow getting one sandaled foot out from his pants and underwear, but not the other. He spotted the urinal.
“Ohh Dadda, I want to use the special toilet!”
“Sure, why not?” I responded. Josh proceeded to hope over to the urinal, spin around, and made to sit on the urinal! I grabbed him just in time.
“You know, why don’t we just use the normal one today”
Using standard toilet technology we took care of the issue, flushed, washed our hands and headed out. We then had to work out the miracle of getting the sandal back through the underwear and shorts.
First trip to the men’s room was a success. Although a close thing. On the way out we were almost run down by an old man’s cart. Dangerous place this Costco.
I picked up the massive charcoal and headed to the door, Josh in front of him so I could shout directions for him to jump to avoid incoming carts. Once outside I decided to get a cart, to protect my son and carry the now 4 mega tons of charcoal in my possession. Of course another man jumped in front of me the last moment, because he had to get his cart first. Otherwise the world would end.
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